How My Son Taught Me to Rethink Everything

I used to think parenting was easy. I didn't understand what everyone was so stressed out about! I mean, sure, the not-sleeping thing was not my favorite phase of babyhood. And potty training was possibly the lowest point in my life's journey. But, in general, it seemed pretty straightforward.

And then my son was born.

From the moment he arrived, he demanded my unwavering attention. I wasn't allowed to multitask or leave his presence. As long as I played by his rules, things stayed on track. The moment those circumstances shifted, our house of cards came tumbling down.

My son cried. A lot. He cried for hours and hours every single day. Almost nothing made him happy. Parenting went from "easy" to the most challenging thing I had ever done, literally overnight.

Now that he is on the brink of teenagehood, I can look back and see that he has always been utterly and completely himself. The screaming? The crying? The displeasure? Just him, asserting his feelings, something he still does today. Only now he does it with words, thank goodness. It turns out that he has always been excellent at expressing himself, and he has known, without question, who he is and how he feels — about everything — since birth. 

The truth is, he has struggled with anxiety, probably his whole life. We spent a year getting a handle on this particular challenge by using a combination of therapy and medication. And now, to my surprise, some of the very qualities that made him difficult to parent in the beginning are gifts that I have come to admire.

He has a great sense of humor. It's one of the things I love most about him. He has a natural wit — he's great at using call-back humor. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, but I always feel a little thrill of delight when he cracks a joke, like, when did he become this clever?

He is easy to talk to. Conversations flow effortlessly with him. We talk on the drive home from school, while we're eating dinner together as a family, after we read together at bedtime. Few children think outside themselves enough to ask questions about the people around them, but my son does. He has always been a gifted conversationalist. He is great at putting people at ease, and he makes it look easy.

He has a high EQ. His emotional intelligence comes from his own deep well of feeling, which has helped him to develop a keen sense of empathy. He understands what would make someone feel a certain way and why. He knows firsthand how vulnerable feelings can make a person, and he wields that knowledge with careful intent.

When I became a parent, I thought I would teach my children everything I knew, but it turns out I've learned more from them than I thought possible. My son has taught me how to problem solve. He has taught me patience and humility. He has taught me how to connect, laugh and understand people in a whole new way. He has raised my game as a parent, as a professional and as a person.

Originally published as a LinkedIn article.