TikTok Opened My Mind Today

Today, I saw TikToker @mystylefile talking about anti-racism work and why it seems to be a temporary phase for so many white people. Her premise is that it's common for white people look outward to find their motivation, and that mindset leads to waning motivation over time. She talks about working to identify internal motivation, which is an idea that resonates with me. 

I've heard that people who grapple with addiction often start their journey of recovery by finding external motivation — they enter rehab for the sake of their family, for example. But that motivation typically doesn't stick. According to the National Institute of Health, studies show that more than 85% of individuals relapse and return to drug use within one year of treatment.

Getting back to that TikTok, the speaker goes on to say that "White Violence" is at the core of what we have to unlearn. And that's when I found myself struggling — not with the connection of whiteness and violence but with the way she was using the word violence. She used it to refer to embedded, systemic racism and its effects, from financial to psychological, rather than physical. She used it in a way that I found myself reacting to, so I stopped and sat with my thoughts to try to figure out why I was feeling uncomfortable.

I learned to take this step because I'm both familiar and comfortable with learning and questioning when it comes to becoming an ally and an advocate. I have engaged in several in depth anti-racism trainings and am currently the chair of the Inclusion, Diversity, Equity, and Access Committee at my workplace, where we work collaboratively to bring informative and thought-provoking content to our colleagues. So, while I'm always looking for ways to better my understanding, I welcome these moments of self-reflection and am conscious not to shy away, even when I want to.

The word "violence" in this TikTok was being used in a way that is unfamiliar to me because I've always thought of violence as solely physical. Certainly, those who are a part of the BIPOC, LGBTQ+ and other marginalized communities have endured an overwhelming amount of physical violence through the ages. And, yes, systemic oppression is an enduring force that causes unequivocal suffering. But I had never considered that violence can affect people in ways other than physical. I found myself reacting to that term, mentally pushing back, objecting to the use of that word. But why?

It sounds petty when I write it down, but it bothered me that I found the use of the word "violence" to be inaccurate. But when looked it up, it turned out that my assumption was wrong. "Violence," like most words has several definitions. One of those definitions fit this TikToker's premise perfectly: "an intense, turbulent, or furious and often destructive action or force." And furthermore, even if the dictionary hadn't supported @mystylefile's assumption, language is a fluid thing. Words change meaning all the time, and that's ok. That's how it's supposed to work.

Getting sidetracked by her use of one word almost cost me a valuable lesson in how to grow my own understanding. By sitting with my discomfort and not allowing myself to get lost in my own petty distraction, I was able to learn something new today. I learned that my discomfort was a sign of my own ignorance. And now, as I write this, as grateful as I am for my journey into allyship, I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I sometimes still grapple with keeping an open mind. I'm using my voice now in the hopes that, if you're reading this and you find yourself reacting to something like this in the future, you'll give yourself the time and grace to sit with your feelings and ask yourself what's really going on. You'll give yourself the chance to work through it and get to the core of the truth, because that's the work. And the work never stops.